THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, June 19, 1995 TAG: 9506170047
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY CHARLISE LYLES, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 96 lines
FLIRTING SKILLS a little rusty?
Like those of Kay Grosinske, a 35-year-old environmental engineer with the Air Force, who enrolled this week in Flirting 101 at the Northampton Recreation Center.
Or those of Craig Chang, a 30-year-old computer programmer, who also paid $25 for the two-session class, plus $5 for the workbook. He hoped to improve on body language and opening lines.
``I'm not really shy,'' said Chang after the first class. ``But I have a tendency not to know what to talk about, how to make that first impression.''
Flirting 101 is part of a proliferation of activities aimed at singles seeking to meet, make merry and possibly marry. From singles dances in downtown Norfolk to courting classes at Peninsula community centers, many of the region's 288,120 singles are polishing their social skills.
Daily Press singles columnist Paige Rockett teaches the class.
Her company, ``In Search Of,'' services singles on everything from scripting a personals ad to throwing a party.
At last week's class, the 40ish divorcee in a wine-colored, belted dress, black hose and two-inch pumps lectured six students gathered in a stark recreation center room.
``Everyone's greatest fear is having their signals misread,'' she said.
``Especially the guys. Ninety-five percent of them say they want to know what the rules are,'' Rockett said as Chang nodded.
So far, Chang has learned not to cross his arms over his chest, no-no body language for flirting. ``Maybe that's why nobody ever talked to me,'' he said.
One of the major flirting blocks, says Rockett, is the concern about sexual harassment.
``The issue makes them terrified of even being friendly. One wrong pinch and you're charged with sexual harassment.''
Then the class opened the text: ``Flirting 101 Workbook: A Personal Plan for Attracting Fun and Playful Partners into Your Life.'
It begins with a few maxims to alleviate shame of active and aggressive partner pursuit.
Then the main lesson: Have a good attitude about yourself and the whole process.
``Accentuate the positive and I mean accentuate it,'' said Rockett.
Easier said than done, said Grosinske, a pretty blonde in a floral dress: ``It's very frustrating. I'm not skinny and probably never will be. People say looks don't matter, but they really do.''
``We are an age-, youth-, beauty-, weight-obsessed country,'' said Rockett. ``If you want to be happy in your personal life, turn off the TV.''
Next lessons:
Have a sense of humor about approaching people.
Break and question every rule. Who says women can't ask men to dance?
``Yeah, but when you do, sometimes they follow you around all night,'' said divorcee Jo Ann Hubbard, 40, of Yorktown.
Strengthen your ``risk muscles. Court failure,'' said Rockett.
Remember: It's ``Stance, Glance and Advance.''
Brush up on your stance, your profile. What vibe are you giving off? Think about your glance. Then advance to the dance floor or bar and make your move.
Before you do, you may want to run a ``cost/benefit analysis'' to assess the ``risk/reward ratio'' of flirting with that Denzel Washington hunk across the room.
Finally, a homework assignment: Go out and get rejected 30 times.
Get tough. Get callous. ``The lesson is that rejection won't kill you,'' said Rockett. ``It's a learning experience.''
If students do poorly, she said, it may be that Flirting 101 is just too advanced for them. ``They need Remedial Flirting.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color staff photo by Joseph Jogn Kotlowski
Instructor Paige rockett suggests brushing up on your stance, glance
and advance in her class.
Graphic
FLIRTING TIPS
Flirting 101
Pointers to a Partner:
1. Make eye contact
2. Listen well
3. Ask questions
4. Exude confidence
5. Show humor
6. Be honest
7. Like and respect people
8. Show a positive attitude
9. Be an attractive person
Jill Spiegal
Author of ``Flirting For Success''
by CNB