THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Monday, July 24, 1995                  TAG: 9507240024
SECTION: LOCAL                    PAGE: B2   EDITION: FINAL 
SOURCE: BY JOAN C. STANUS, STAFF WRITER 
                                             LENGTH: Short :   50 lines

NEW WAYS OF DEALING WITH MISCARRIAGE GRIEF ENCOUNTER RESISTANCE

Many people have embraced the new therapeutic methods for dealing with grief after miscarriages and stillbirths, but a local expert says the approach still meets resistance, even from physicians. ``They don't understand what these pregnancies mean to these people,'' said Ann Prescott, Sentara Norfolk General Hospital's perinatal bereavement counselor. ``Very often, grandparents are my biggest challenge. They're from the old school, and they think it's cruel. It's going to take time for people to realize how important it is.''

Much of the concern, of course, lies with the hotly debated question: When does a fetus become a baby?

``I don't think we're close to resolving that,'' Prescott said. ``But these fathers and mothers know.''

Even though they don't have the physical connection that women do, men still have as much difficulty coping with the loss of a miscarriage or stillbirth as women. They just handle it in a different way.

``It's a helpless feeling for a man to sit by and watch his wife deliver a baby that will never come home,'' Prescott said. ``The father is supposed to be a pillar of strength, to get his wife through, and this is something he just can't fix.''

After experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth, Prescott suggests that couples hold their baby - no matter how small it is. Taking pictures, wrapping it in special blankets and naming it helps couples deal with the loss, she believes.

``You can't grieve for something that doesn't exist,'' she said. ``So many people don't understand that even if someone loses a baby at just 12 weeks, that was still a member of their family. Seeing them and cradling them provides a real sense of comfort.''

Afterward, attending a support group is sometimes helpful. Prescott works with dozens of couples, many of whom have unsuccessfully tried for years to have children.

``It's definitely made a difference,'' said Henry Cross, a 30-year-old motel manager, who, with his wife Lisa, has lost three children to miscarriage or premature birth. ``It makes you understand you're not the only one going through something like this.'' MEMO: [For a related story, see page B1 of THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT for this

date.]

by CNB