THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 25, 1995 TAG: 9508240237
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 12 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY NANCY LEWIS
LENGTH: Medium: 68 lines
Parents should not rely on schools to teach their children about sex, according to author and child psychologist David Elkind.
Without parental involvement in sex education, we won't be able to ``get the genie back in the bottle,'' said the author of the best-selling ``The Hurried Child, All Grown Up and No Place To Go.''
``Parents must do it, not the schools . . . talk directly, not once, but many times'' about the dangers of age-inappropriate sexual activity, advised Elkind, who made his comments to a standing-room-only crowd at Cape Henry Collegiate School Monday.
One out of every two 15-year-olds in the United States today is sexually active, and it is up to parents to counteract media images which promote early sexual activity with sound advice about its unhealthy aspects, said Elkind.
Early sex is just one example of the way today's youth are plunged headlong into adulthood almost before they've had time to be children, according to Elkind, who blamed ``collapsed childhood'' on a society which puts the needs of adults and parents ahead of those of children.
Today's child faces a ``hurrying'' through youth in favor of ``expanded stages of adulthood,'' said Elkind.
``It takes time for children to grow,'' Elkind said. ``Sometimes we forget in our modern society how time-consuming these things are.''
Before about the middle of this century, childhood was ``a wonderful thing - a mystical, adventurous time,'' said Elkind. ``There was concern about protecting children, a golden era. Precociousness was discouraged by the schools, media, legal system. It was a glorious time for kids.'' Then, instead of seeing children as innocent, people began to see them as competent to deal with changes in society such as divorce.
At the same time came a switch from legal protection of children to the protection of children's rights, says Elkind, citing the disappearance of the ``truant officer'' and the ability of children to sue their parents.
Movies such as ``Home Alone'' reflect the new notion of competence, something schools too promote, according to Elkind. He cited the recent trend for first-graders to rotate from classroom to classroom.
Then, too, the media pushes children into adulthood before their time, said Elkind. There is no sense of responsibility in the media, said Elkind, comparing the images youth are bombarded with to ``over sugared, over salted, over fatted foods.''
Before the Vietnam War and the sexual revolution of the '60s, parents were just ``intuitively knowledgeable about kids,'' said Elkind. Child psychology focused on ``how do'' children grow, not ``how to'' grow children.
Elkind has some specific suggestions on how parents can help ease the stress for their kids.
Children need to be treated like children, says Elkind. ``Take time to do things for them they could do for themselves to demonstrate that we love them, that they're still kids,'' he says. At the same time, though, setting limits is most important.
``There's the notion of mutuality, but they need limits set,'' Elkind says. ``Too often we give up too easily and treat them as more adultlike. Rather, we should care for them and set limits.
In the old days, he said, ``You didn't worry about whether your kids liked you.'' Today parents are too worried about whether their children like them and therefore let them get away with more.
Ultimately, parents should take time to enjoy their child's childhood, advised Elkind. ``They are most like us in feelings, least in thoughts.
``Why rush? When they're gone, it is so empty.'' by CNB