THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, September 22, 1995 TAG: 9509220495
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Guy Friddell
LENGTH: Medium: 66 lines
Jack Manherz supplies the best story to come my way in a long time. Moreover, his account has a second punch line, a touch of reality.
A fellow, arriving home from work, was so tired all he could do was collapse in a chair on the porch.
His wife came charging out and, looking down at him, declared: ``I've just about had it with your two sons. They have been at each other's throat all day. You've got do something to correct them.''
``Send 'em out,'' he said.
The older son appeared.
``Dad,'' he said, ``you told me that while you're away I'm the man of the house and my brother has to do what I say, but he won't!''
``You're absolutely right!'' his father said. The boy went back inside; the younger one came out.
``Dad,'' he said, ``I know you told me to do what my brother says, but he's not God. Some things he tells me to do are stupid. He doesn't give me a chance to protest.''
``Son,'' his father said, ``you're absolutely right.''
As the younger boy was leaving, his mother, who had been listening, burst through the door.
``What you told those boys was a disgrace!'' she cried. ``You are the sorriest excuse for a father I ever saw. You ought to be ASHAMED of yourself!''
He looked her in the eye.
``Honey,'' he said, ``you're absolutely right!''
Manherz related the story to a friend who, a week later, greeted him joyously.
``I can't thank you enough for that story,'' he said. ``When I got home dog-tired the other night, my wife was waiting, fire in her eye.
``She dressed me down not only for what I had failed to do or done wrong recently, she rehearsed old scores that I thought had been resolved.
``When she paused, I couldn't come up with a word of defense, but your story flashed to mind.
`` `Honey,' I said, `You're absolutely right!'
``Her jaw dropped and she was speechless for 30 seconds!''
* * *
If that isn't enough, here's pleasing verse from Nanette Emanuel, titled ``Southern Comfort'':
O, ``Comfort Foods'' how dear you are,
You Custard, Rice, and Pickle-jar!
You Chicken-in-a-fricassee,
You grits, without a pedigree!
You Watermelon off the vine,
Your soothing qualities are fine,
But there's no question - Spring or Fall -
Cornbread-with-gravy's best of all!
Those lines reflect my sentiments exactly.
* * *
Finally, driving home from Corolla the other day, I saw a North Carolina license tag: ILUVGRITZ. MEMO: Columnist Guy Friddell is going Monday on a week's vacation at Wards
Corner. by CNB