THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, October 10, 1995 TAG: 9510100033
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SERIES: Happy Homes
SOURCE: By DIANE TENNANT, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 93 lines
First in an occasional series.
DIVORCE. SINGLE parenthood. Domestic violence. Juvenile delinquents.
We hear so many symptoms of broken relationships, cluster around so many marriage corpses, that we might expect next to hear someone shout: Is there a family in the house?
Well, there is. In an occasional series that begins today - ``Happy Homes'' - you will meet families that thrive, and learn why.
Their reasons are sometimes simple, but not always easy to apply.
Divorce is not an option for Linda and Mike Ebert of Suffolk.
They agreed on that going into their marriage, Linda explained.
``That was just one of those things that was assumed on both our parts, right from the start,'' she said. ``Our parents were still married to people they had committed to years earlier, so we had them as an example.''
Making a lifelong commitment means taking special care in selecting a marriage partner, special reflection on what the marriage vows really say.
``You look at that marriage relationship as being a little more serious,'' Linda said. ``Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life? Do I want to have children with this person? When Mike asked me to marry him, I had no hesitation on any of those points.''
Mike, who works for Christian American magazine, and Linda, who free-lances for Focus on the Family magazine, surround themselves with friends who also believe - truly believe - that marriage is for life, and that religion is a solid base on which to build that relationship.
The commitment one makes in marriage is to God as well as spouse, Linda said. ``If we break that commitment, it's not just us,'' she said. ``It really helps to strengthen that bond and that commitment.''
The Eberts have two children, Brianna, 8 months old, and Brandon, 2. Mike and Linda plan to pattern their family life after the example set by their own parents, with family dinners and Mom at home when school lets out.
``There are definitely those things that are tradition. I think that helps your identity as a family,'' Linda said. ``I plan on being old with Mike, and even if something would happen to one of us, there's never a question of us sticking it out for the long haul.''
The Brett family of Virginia Beach believes that the family that plays together, and volunteers together, and helps other people together, and has hobbies together - well, you get the idea.
``Our life seems to revolve around kids,'' Suzy Brett said. ``A lot of times I get Mother's Day cards from kids that aren't my kids, and I think it's because they see us doing things as a family and they want to be part of that.''
Suzy, who is a schoolteacher, and Tom, who works with group homes, spend their whole lives with kids, including their own, Katie, 15, and Becky, 19. As a family, they are docents on whale-watching trips, they respond to help stranded marine animals for the Virginia Marine Science Museum, they feed the homeless, they chaperone school events, they breed and show Labrador retrievers. And they expand the definition of family to include a myriad of children not their own.
Family trips include some of Katie's and Becky's friends, and when the parental Bretts have reached out to help others, the Brett children have always reached out, too.
``We have always believed that the kids need to grow up giving something back to the community,'' Suzy explained. ``We just let them know that they are part of our lives and we're part of theirs.''
When Suzy has to attend an after-school activity, she takes Katie with her. When Tom can't find placements for his group-home boys at Christmas, he brings them home with him.
One year, it was three boys, arriving on Christmas Eve. Suzy took her girls aside and told them that the money she would have spent on last-minute presents for them needed to be spent on the boys instead. The girls agreed and enjoyed shopping for the boys, Suzy said. And when it was time for the Bretts to go serve dinner to the homeless at a nearby church, the boys went along, too, to volunteer.
``The girls said that was the best Christmas they ever had because they saw the true meaning of Christmas,'' Suzy said.
``I try to tell the kids it's not what you can buy each other, it's the memory. And a lot of times my kids will say to me, `Let's go make a memory,' '' Suzy said.
``What is it that's really important? The things we buy or the things we do for each other?'' she concluded. ILLUSTRATION: Color staff photos by Tamara Voninski
Suzy and Tom Brett and daughters, Katie, center, and Becky, who is a
way at college, make memories together by volunteering to help
others.<
Mike and Linda Elbert, with Brandon, right, and Brianna, share
commitment.
by CNB