THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, October 27, 1995 TAG: 9510270021
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A22 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Letter
LENGTH: Short : 47 lines
Regarding Charles R. Hofheimer's ``Midweek overnight custody harms kids'' (letter, Oct. 9), I am one of those non-custodial parents who enjoys midweek overnight visitations with my children. Our relationship appears only to have benefited from it. While my time with my children is limited, I strive to be the best parent possible and my children are my No. 1 priority.
I have two children, the youngest having been only 3 months old at the time of my separation. I believe that continuity provided by midweek visitation was a very positive factor in forming our parent-child bond. Please note that I wrote parent-child bond, both noncustodial parent-child bond or visitor-child bond. This continuity has also preserved my relationship with my older child, which would only be more stressed with visits limited to every other weekend or, worse yet, split weekends.
Mr. Hofheimer stereotypes noncustodial parents as parents who put their self-interests above their children's. While this is too often the case, many noncustodial parents do have an unconditional love for their children and strive to form and maintain as strong a relationship as possible.
As things stand now, many noncustodial parents pay a lump sum, thus paying for days or weeks they have the children as well as for periods of time they do not.
It appears that a more attractive solution would be a family-court system, with social workers and judges who handle only family-dispute and divorce matters. In such a system, emphasis would be placed on peaceful and fair resolutions. In such a system, the deadbeat dads and moms would be weeded out without the truly caring parents being lumped into the same category. The financially solid noncustodial parents would pay their fair share; the financially solid custodial parents would receive their fair share. All of this would be done, with guidance and oversight by the court system, with the children's best interest in mind.
The current system does not work. It does not promote the emotional involvement of both parents. It causes stress and grief over money and control issues that are passed onto the children. Love and maintenance of a solid parent-child relationship should come before anything else.
THOMAS L. KOWALSKI
Virginia Beach, Oct. 9, 1995 by CNB