THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, February 6, 1996 TAG: 9602060029
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E9 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Craig Shapiro
LENGTH: Long : 123 lines
THE VOTES have been counted - actually, the phone calls have been listened to, it's just ``The votes have been counted'' sounds classier - and we have the inaugural inductees into the Videomatic Hall of Shame.
Joining screenwriter Joe Eszerterhas, the sinfully overpaid perpetrator of ``Basic Instinct,'' ``Sliver'' and ``Showgirls,'' are Oliver Stone and ``The Mangler,'' last year's bloodletting about a possessed cleaning machine.
To recap, the Hall was founded two weeks ago, right after the staff suffered through Eszterhas' latest torture, the limp erotic-thriller ``Jade.'' Angry? That's putting it politely. But how to register our complaint?
The VHOS.
Because we're the ones who dreamed it up, Big Joe's induction was automatic.
Because we're otherwise open-minded, we opened up the other nominations. Eighty or so calls came into the official Infoline Videomatic Mailbox, which isn't bad since we weren't giving anything away. Our judges based their decisions on how much zing you put in your pitch.
``I'm a little bit sick of his conspiracy movies,'' said the guy nominating Stone (he didn't leave his name). ``If he did a remake of `Romeo and Juliet,' it would probably be boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds out girl was second gunman on the grassy knoll.''
Bill of Norfolk dozed off during ``The Mangler,'' but the judges loved what happened when he took the video to work, at the city jail.
``It was so bad, the inmates started booing. They were asking us to cut it off, and they didn't have anywhere to go!''
Dishonorable mention goes to no-talent Pia Zadora, submitted by Cindy and Melinda, both of Virginia Beach. ``The smartest thing she ever did,'' Cindy said, ``was marry a multimillionaire old enough to be her great-grandfather who was willing to pay zillions to get her in the movies.''
Other nominations included ``Juice,'' ``Pulp Fiction'' and ``Boxing Helena.'' ``Waterworld,'' ``Showgirls'' and ``Last Action Hero'' got a couple of votes each. Wise readers rang in with Pauly Shore and Sylvester Stallone.
Young Michael Lupino's choice was Bob Saget, host of ``America's Funniest Videos.'' ``He says all these stupid jokes that aren't even funny,'' said the Virginia Beach lad. We'll save that one for the Hall's TV Wing.
Meantime, start thinking about next year. We've decided to make the Hall of Shame inductions a February tradition. Beats Valentine's Day.
ENTERPRISING: Who dreamed up the Vulcan hand-salute? Did you know Chekov's look was styled after a famous Monkee? Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scott et al tell all in ``William Shatner's Star Trek Memories.'' Paramount has it for $14.95. Ditto for the crew's seven feature films, including 1995's ``Star Trek Generations,'' and the first four episodes from the fourth season of ``Star Trek: The Next Generation.''
PRICED TO GO: MGM/UA wins the Blue Light Award.
``Blue Steel,'' ``Clambake,'' ``The French Lieutenant's Woman,'' ``The January Man,'' ``Memories of Me,'' ``The Mighty Quinn,'' ``Not Without My Daughter,'' ``The Russia House,'' ``Teachers'' and ``True Love'' are $9.99 each. ``Cotton Comes to Harlem,'' ``Body and Soul,'' ``I'm Gonna Get You Sucka,'' ``Shaft,'' ``Shaft in Africa,'' ``Shaft's Big Score,'' ``Tom Sawyer,'' ``Tom Thumb,'' ``Please Don't Eat the Daisies'' and ``Yours, Mine and Ours'' list for $14.95. ``Speechless'' is $19.98.
FoxVideo Double Features include ``Predator'' and ``Commando,'' and ``Romancing the Stone'' and ``Jewel of the Nile'' ($22.98 a two-pack). ``The Black Swan,'' just added to its Studio Classics series, and ``French Kiss'' are $19.98 each. ``Snoopy, Come Home'' is $14.98.
Chuck Norris takes a bite out of crime in ``Top Dog'' (Live, $14.98).
``Separate but Equal,'' starring Sidney Poitier, and ``The Piano Lesson,'' with Alfre Woodard and Charles Dutton, are $14.98 each (Republic).
Here's what $19.98 gets from Fox Lorber: ``Claire's Knee,'' ``The Official Story,'' ``Chloe in the Afternoon,'' ``The Trial,'' ``Dr. Bethune,'' ``Two Small Bodies,'' ``Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer,'' ``David Holzman's Diary'' and ``Palombella Rossa.''
Here's what $14.98 gets from Orion: ``China Moon,'' ``Mystery Date,'' ``The Favor'' and ``Play-maker.''
Columbia TriStar has cut ``The Quick and the Dead,'' ``Before Sunrise'' and ``Immortal Beloved'' to $19.95, and ``Cowboy,'' with Glenn Ford and Jack Lemmon, to $14.95.
TOP TAPES (in Billboard):
Sales: ``Apollo 13,'' ``Indian in the Cupboard,'' ``Playboy: The Best of Anna Nicole Smith,'' ``Batman Forever,'' ``Playboy: 1996 Video Playmate Calendar''
Rentals: ``Die Hard With a Vengeance,'' ``The Net,'' ``Showgirls,'' ``Clueless,'' ``Mortal Kombat: The Movie''
The Couch Report
``The Usual Suspects'' (PolyGram, 1995). Everything you've heard is true. This is easily the most stylish, original and challenging mystery in years. Five professional crooks are duped by a treacherous crime boss - who may or may not exist - into busting up a rival drug deal. But nothing is what it seems in this complex caper. You'll need to see it twice to find all the clues. Gabriel Byrne and Stephen Baldwin give career performances. Kevin Spacey is a sure Oscar nominee as ``Verbal'' Kent. Videomatic says: A+
(CAST: Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Pollak, Chazz Palminteri. RATED: R for language, violence; 105 mins.)
``Desperado'' (Columbia TriStar, 1995). Robert Rodriguez's big-budget actioner is less a sequel to his ``El Mariachi'' than a remake. At any rate, it's a lot of fun - if you get the joke. Antonio Banderas smolders as the musician-turned-avenging angel. Steve Buscemi and Cheech Marin are a hoot in supporting roles. Rodriguez is a whiz in the editing room, too. Yes, it's way over the top. So what? Just go with it. Videomatic says: B
(CAST: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Steve Buscemi, Joaquim de Almeida, Cheech Marin. RATED: R for language, violence, nudity; 103 mins.)
``Under Siege 2: Dark Territory'' (Warner, 1995). After the eco-nonsense of ``On Deadly Ground,'' Steven Seagal gets down to action. When terrorists take over a passenger train, and command of a weapons satellite, S-man is all that stands between the destruction of Washington, D.C., and an oncoming tanker train. The hot combat, droll hero and comic-book villains make for a mindlessly entertaining ride. Videomatic says: C+
(CAST: Steven Seagal, Eric Bogosian, Katherine Heigl, Morris Chestnut, Everett McGill. RATED: R for language, violence, adult situations; 100 mins.)
Also: Stephen Baldwin and Emily Lloyd in the comedy ``Under the Hula Moon'' (R); ``Roosters,'' a drama with Edward James Olmos and Sonia Braga (R); ``Serial Killer,'' a thriller starring Kim Delaney (R), and ``How I Met My Husband: Red Shoe Diaries VI,'' more T&A from Zalman King (R)
NEXT TUESDAY: ``Dangerous Minds,'' ``Virtuosity,'' ``Beyond Rangoon,'' ``Living in Oblivion,'' ``The Amazing Panda Adventure,'' ``Jeffrey,'' ``Trapped on Toyworld,'' ``The Criminal Mind,'' ``Bloodknot'' MEMO: Wanna talk video? Call the official Videomatic Infoline Mailbox at
640-5555, category 2827, and give us your two-cents' worth.
by CNB