THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, April 26, 1996 TAG: 9604250165
SECTION: CHESAPEAKE CLIPPER PAGE: 08 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Cover Story
SOURCE: BY BETSY MATHEWS WRIGHT, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 161 lines
WHEN NAT KING COLE first crooned ``Love is Here to Stay,'' back in 1953, three Chesapeake couples had barely begun their lives together.
Today, their love is still around, a testament of faith, commitment and just the right touch of good humor.
On a recent Sunday, the three couples renewed their wedding vows and together celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries. They are Geneva and William Malone, married June 26, 1945; Flossie and Willie A. Butler, married March 10, 1946; and Rosezelle and Samuel Gary Jr., married February 17, 1946.
Between them, they have 14 children, 53 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren. They also share years of loyalty to one church, First Baptist Church of South Hill, a 103-year-old church in the South Norfolk area of Chesapeake. All six have been at First Baptist for most of their lives. All six met at church. All six say it is their church and their Christian faith that has pulled them through the rough times.
Just hours prior to the rehearsal for their ``second wedding,'' the three couples sat in the fellowship hall of their church, sharing the simple wisdom that has kept them together for so long.
``Well, the first thing you got to do,'' Samuel Gary, 74, said, ``is you got to be housebroken.''
The other two husbands roared with laughter, while the three wives giggled and exchanged knowing, ``uh-huh'' glances.
Then Gary got serious. ``You have to know that your home and your family is your main obligation in life. . . and now and then you better remember to bring home some flowers. And, of course, you got to love 'em and kiss 'em every chance and get that sugar, 'cause if you don't give it to 'em, somebody else will!''
Geneva Malone, 69, said a couple must ``pray a lot and respect each other.''
Rosezelle Gary, 69, said that each person must learn ``to give a little and take a little,'' to which Flossie Butler, 67, added that both must learn how to compromise.
``You can't always have things your way,'' Flossie said.
Less loquacious than Samuel Gary, the other two husbands, Willie Butler and William Malone had to be prodded a bit to give their secrets to a happy marriage.
Finally, the dry-witted Butler, 70, said: ``I just do what she tells me to do.''
The whole group laughed, and then Malone, 70, pitched his two cents.
``I always have the last word,'' Malone said, pausing dramatically. ``She tells me to buff the floor, and I say, `Yes, ma'am.' ''
A punch line was never better delivered, and together the six friends enjoy another hearty gale of laughter.
With age comes wisdom, and the three couples share that wisdom gladly with their family and friends.
``They are mentors to the newlyweds and the younger members of our church,'' said Wilhelmenia Jones, 53, a long-time friend of Flossie Butler. ``They all set a very good example for our young people.''
Jones said that she personally has often benefited from Butler's wisdom.
``She's always telling me to slow down, because I'm on the go a lot,'' Jones said. ``She tells me to make sure my husband's food is prepared before he leaves home and to let him know where I'm going and what time I'll be home. `Leave a note,' she tells me.
``And then I'm a bit mouthy sometimes, and she's taught me to hold my piece.''
Samuel Gary agrees with that last bit of advice. ``You have to sit and listen sometimes. You don't have to be right all the time.''
All six of the married folks said they had wonderful role models when they were growing up. Their parents were all respectful of each other, loving, kind and enjoyed a good laugh. More than once was the adage offered that a married couple must have a good sense of humor.
``When I was a child,'' Rosezelle Gary said, ``we were very poor. There weren't many things, but there was always plenty of love.''
The others nodded in one accord. They all agreed that materialism is a burden for too many modern marriages.
``Young people,'' Flossie Butler said, ``just want too much too soon. They've just got to have certain things to start out. They don't seem to want to wait the way we did. I know things were cheaper in our day, but then people wanted less back then, too.''
And, they believe, people worked harder in their day.
``You either worked or you went,'' said Samuel Gary. ``Young people don't want to work two and three jobs the way we did. People are spoiled nowadays.''
``And these young women don't cook like we did,'' added Flossie Butler. ``Everything is instant this and instant that. That's not cooking.''
Having earned the American Dream, all of the six said they fear their grandchildren won't ever have the chance to do as they did.
``I seem to worry more over my grandkids than I do my own children,'' Geneva Malone said, as the others nodded in agreement.
They all worry about the effects of too much television. They worry about drugs and violence. They worry about children growing up without fathers. They worry about the lack of jobs.
``The worst of all is the drugs,'' Samuel Gary said. ``A man comes up to a young kid, and shows him a suitcase of money and says, `I made $5,000 today.' Now why does this kid want to go out and work for just $4.50 and hour at some burger place? Our community needs more training and more trades.''
Have they given up hope?
``Oh, no,'' said Flossie Butler, ``There's always hope. We just have to keep praying and don't ever give up hoping.''
Samuel Gary said that middle-class African-Americans also need ``to re-invest in the black communities.
``The only way we'll survive is if we stop depending on someone else to take care of our own.''
``A Christian marriage,'' said Geneva Malone, ``has kept us together for 50 years.''
Flossie Butler and all the rest agreed. ``Our faith has enriched our lives,'' Flossie said. ``It's enabled us to give and take a lot better than those without that foundation.''
All six have been deeply involved in their church. Willie Butler has been chairman of the Trustee Board for 40 years. Flossie Butler has served 20 years as a deaconess and been president of the Mission Board for seven years. William Malone has been a deacon for more than 40 years, while his wife Geneva has been a deaconess for 40 years. Samuel Gary was the assistant chairman of the Deacon Board for 40 years and chairman of the board for nine years. Rosezelle Gary has chaired the Deaconess Board for the last seven years.
Their minister, the Rev. Michael R. Toliver, 42, says he often points the couples out as models of commitment and love.
``They've seen plenty of social and political changes in their lifetimes,'' Toliver said. ``They've seen the breakdown of the family. They've seen it all, and they have survived.''
Toliver said that older couples like the Malones, the Garys and the Butlers provide stability and role models for a church.
``We've recently started a family ministry program at our church,'' he said, ``and we're having our older couples mentor and council our younger men and women. Certainly, these three couples are an important part of that program.
``In my opinion, people don't really reach the model of what God truly intended for a marriage until they've been together for 40 or 50 years. By the time they get to that age, they aren't distracted by vocational achievements or by trying to buy a bigger house on the hill or by getting that nicer car. They simply love each other for the pure comfort and companionship of being with the one person they love best. These couples are a true picture of what God intended marriage to be.'' ILLUSTRATION: Photos by GARY C. KNAPP
[Also, Color Cover photo]
Willie Butler gives his wife of 50 years, Flossie Butler, a kiss
reminiscent of their younger days.
Waiting to renew their vows and celebrate 50 years of marriage are,
from left: William and Geneva Malone, Willie and Flossie Butler, and
Samuel and Rossetta Gary.
Photo by GARY C. KNAPP
Waiting to renew their vows and celebrate 50 years of marriage are,
from left: William and Geneva Malone, Willie and Flossie Butler, and
Samuel and Rosezelle Gary.
Photos by GARY C. KNAPP
Flossie Butler talks with Tiffany Malone, above, who was the flower
girl in the ceremony. (Instead of dropping rose petals from her
basket, Tiffany's basket contained Hershey Kisses, and she did not
drop them.)
Joanne Copeland straightens Geneva Moore's necklace, left, before
the ceremony.
by CNB