THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, April 26, 1996 TAG: 9604260495
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B5 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY VALERIE CARINO, CAMPUS CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 69 lines
In the small town where Mary Pipher grew up, everybody knew everybody. Neighborhood kids bought candy bars and talked to shop owners for hours. Doors were left unlocked at night. Songs about sex weren't on the radio. There were 10 churches and zero liquor stores.
And little girls didn't have to worry about being careful about where they went or who they went with.
``We didn't have the word `stalker' . . . `crack' . . . or `HIV positive,' '' said Pipher, author of the best seller ``Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.''
Pipher spoke Thursday to nearly 1,400 girls from the Virginia Association of Independent Schools at Virginia Wesleyan College about the forces that destroy girls' images of themselves and what girls can do to improve their self-esteem.
``My experiences were so different than yours that I had to change my ideas about adolescence,'' Pipher said of her childhood in Beaver City, Neb., a town of about 400.
Pipher, a clinical psychologist who has treated girls for more than 20 years, said that our culture - not parents - tells girls to hate themselves. The media, she says, are responsible for promoting impossible beauty ideals and encouraging girls to have sex at an earlier age.
``Teens are told and believe that if they're going to grow up, they have to distance themselves from their parents, the people who love them the most and who could give them the most guidance,'' she said.
This attitude exists, Pipher said, because Americans, more than any other culture, place a tremendous value on independence.
Pipher told a story about a 15-year-old Vietnamese girl she met who said she never argued with her mother. Pipher was surprised when the girl said, ``Why would I argue with my mother? She gave me the gift of life.''
``What an un-American thing to say,'' Pipher said.
Today, teenage girls have to make decisions about drugs, alcohol and sex at an earlier age, Pipher said.
``Twelve-year-olds aren't ready for what hits them in junior high,'' Pipher said. ``Girls who've been reading `Ramona' aren't ready for sexual harassment or offers of LSD.''
And girls today are told that to be successful and to be happy, they have to be model-thin. The average model today, Pipher said, weighs 111 pounds and is 5 feet 10 inches.
``Almost nobody is built that way,'' she said.
Lauren Collaprete, 16, a sophomore at Cape Henry Collegiate, thought Pipher's message about beauty was right on target.
``I'm not fat and I still look at those models and say, `Why don't I look like that?' '' said the petite blond.
In the audience, girls of all ages listened intently to Pipher, who spoke in the soothing tone that mothers use when talking to their children. Pipher also spoke to about 1,800 parents at Chrysler Hall Thursday night on their roles in saving their daughters.
A mother herself, Pipher offered girls ways to combat the culture.
Pipher told girls to try not to talk about weight or appearance and to be careful about the ``media they consume.'' She also suggested canceling subscriptions to magazines that demean girls. Take up hobbies like sports, music or writing, she said.
``If you talk about changing the world, it sounds overwhelming,'' Pipher said. ``But if you talk about doing one or two simple things, that could happen tonight.'' by CNB