THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, April 26, 1996 TAG: 9604260511
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Charlise Lyles
LENGTH: Medium: 76 lines
Madonna's going to be a mommy. But not necessarily a wifey.
Maybe she's wary of becoming a Tinseltown nuptial statistic. That's reasonable in a country where more than half of marriages end in divorce. As for African Americans, the rate is double that of whites, and one of the highest in the world.
But in town this week, defying those odds ever so harmoniously, are Norfolk native son Tim Reid and Daphne Maxwell-Reid. The couple is hosting Norfolk State University's sixth annual celebrity tennis tournament and fund-raiser, Reid's way of giving back to his alma mater.
Nearly fourteen years ago the Reids said ``I do.''
May they go down in Hollywood nuptial history with greats like Gracie Allen and George Burns, Ruby and Ossie Davis, Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme, Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. and yes, Ronald and Nancy Reagan. You've got to hand it to the Gipper. He knows how to keep a good thing going.
Maybe it was destined by those stars that Nancy consulted to run the White House. But if astrology works at all, it works against the Reids.
She's Cancer. He's Sagittarius. ``Not necessarily a good match, oil and water. But,'' says Maxwell- Reid, ``my water will smoke his fire. And his fire will boil my water. He can keep me warm and I can keep him from burning.''
So what makes the Reid partnership work?
In a phone call, Maxwell-Reid shared the secrets of her relationship.
First is the foundation: ``We both have the same need for truth and integrity, and a desire to see each of us be the best person that we can be,'' she says.
And for folks starting out: ``Don't live together and then decide that you want to marry this person. Either you're ready to make a commitment or you're not.'' If you absolutely must shack up, don't do it until you're engaged, Maxwell-Reid advises.
What about dealing with that Rodin-size ego that your beautiful black man is likely to have? (Harvard sociologist Orlanda Patterson calls it ``the mismatch between the most liberated and autonomous of women and some of the most sexist and self-excusing of men.'')
Be clear on your roles, says Maxwell-Reid, on what you will and will not do.
I was surprised to find Maxwell-Reid happily carrying out secretarial tasks in preparation for this weekend's activities. I once told a man to go jump when he asked me to type something.
Reid's view is ``Why shouldn't I do things to help the person I love?'' But I'll bet she gets hired help for house chores.
As for working together professionally: ``Some days it's very hard. Some years it's very hard.''
When it is, they're honest. ``If he gets on my nerves, I tell him he gets on my nerves.''
Which brings us to arguments.
``We've learned to fight,'' she says. ``People have to learn to fight constructively with someone you love, knowing that you're not fighting to tear the person apart, but to resolve the problem. .''
As for the specter of divorce: ``Leaving is not an option. Working it out is the only option. A lot of times that may mean getting help.
``We've both been married before, so we knew in this marriage there were certain things we expected. It was a commitment not to stay while everything is cool. But to stay.'' MEMO: More on the Tim Reid Celebrity Weekend/B3
ILLUSTRATION: L.TODD SPENCER
The Virginian-Pilot
``We both have the same need for truth and integrity, and a desire
to see each of us be the best person that we can be,'' Daphne
Maxwell-Reid said of her marriage to Tim Reid.
KEYWORDS: INTERVIEW by CNB