THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, August 11, 1996 TAG: 9608090155
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: On the Street
SOURCE: Bill Reed
LENGTH: 60 lines
Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if certain discoveries had never been made?
What if Alexander Graham Bell hadn't invented the telephone in 1870?
Imagine the peace of mind the world would now enjoy. We'd be free of calls from pesky aluminum-siding and magazine-subscription salespersons or from distant cousins who want to come visit the beach cottage and - of course - stay five weeks to enjoy free room and board.
It also would mean the total absence of feverish worldwide computer networking that is the rage these days, since telephone technology carries most of these transmissions. The babble level would be reduced to a mere whisper. People would speak only when spoken to. Life would be sweet.
And what if Charles Goodyear Jr. had never invented the sneaker in 1839?
Michael Jordan and Shaq would be virtual paupers, since kids would not have their flashy $100-plus Nikes to covet. Parents would enjoy peace of mind and fatter bank accounts. NBA games would be played in clunky brogans.
Michael and Shaq would have to supplement their kazillion dollar NBA salaries by endorsing Wheaties or Haynes underwear.
In the same vein, what if Dr. Henry D. Perky of Denver, Colo., hadn't invented breakfast cereal in the 1890s?
There would be no Wheaties boxes for Michael or Shaq, or the American Olympic pixies, to adorn.
Television watchers would be spared the endless parade of commercials that tout the health benefits derived from shoveling mounds of milk-soaked corn, wheat and oat flakes into their mouths each morning.
Think of the millions of dollars in savings on dental bills realized from not eating sugar-coated toasties or crunchies!
And what if an Ethiopian goat herder named Kaldi from Kava hadn't discovered coffee in the year 850? The grouch factor in offices and businesses the world over would grow to uncontrollable dimensions. New world wars would start, because cantankerous, coffee-deprived statesmen would never be able to agree on anything. They would be at each other's throats in a nanosecond. Sabers would be rattled, guns would be fired, bombs would be dropped. Civilization as we know it would cease to exist.
Who invented coffee? The story is that Kaldi observed that his goats became hyperactive after eating red berries that grew on nearby bushes. One bitterly cold winter night, Kaldi boiled a batch of berries to soften them up for his own consumption. After munching the softened berries and swilling the water in which they were boiled, Kaldi suddenly became wide awake and was able to protect his flock from marauding predators through the night. The experience probably was the first documented case of coffee jitters in history.
And what if brothers Jacques and Joseph Montgolfier had not stumbled onto the unique properties of hot air in the 1700s? They found that heated air could cause a balloon to rise above the earth's surface.
While hot air balloons have limited value these days, the brothers' discovery has since been put to other uses by members of the U.S. Congress and state and local legislators throughout the country.
These folks are always floating trial balloons and vacant promises - all of them buoyed by superheated hot air. In fact, the volume of hot air to be generated by the pending Republican and Democratic conventions could be used to heat every home in America and still fill all the balloons ever made. by CNB