THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1997, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, February 2, 1997 TAG: 9701300538
SECTION: COMMENTARY PAGE: J1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Dave Addis
LENGTH: 64 lines
In the annual debate over what to do with our state song, ``Carry Me Back to Ol' Virginia,'' a country lawmaker made a rather remarkable observation.
``We have a very beautiful song,'' said state Sen. Emmett W. Hanger Jr., a Republican from Augusta, ``and with the exception of a few words, it's a song we can all take pride in.''
Oh, yes.
Might the Hon. Mr. Hanger agree, then, that except for ``a few words'' we can all raise our voices proudly to the songs of Snoop Doggy Dogg - the only problem being those words that start with F, mother-F, and several exciting variations on the B-word and a couple of the A-words?
Not likely.
Neither is he likely to agree that the lyrics of the heavy-metal group Danzig are just peachy, except for those unfortunate ``few words'' sung in praise of satan-worship.
By the gentleman's logic, we should all be quite happy to sip a bowl of soup so long as just one or two flies are aboard.
But the Hon. Mr. Hanger does, quite by accident, make a good point: It's nearly impossible these days to craft a lyric that doesn't offend somebody. If the lyrics say ``he,'' the she-persons won't like it. If they say ``white,'' persons of color will be offended, and vice-versa.
Don't even think about singing the glories of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed or Hanuman, the monkey-god.
We've hit the point where a simple lyric praising the pleasures of Virginia country ham would spark riot and guerrilla tactics among vegans and the PETA people. Most of us would prefer not to be pelted with bulgur wheat during a football halftime show by radicals protesting the state anthem's meatist political agenda.
Our alternatives are limited. A colleague suggested that Virginia adopt ``Louie, Louie'' as the state song. Thirty years ago, when everybody was certain that the song was dirty, the FBI investigated. Supposedly, you could hear the nasty stuff if you played the song slower. Or faster.
The FBI reported, after serious study, that the words to ``Louie, Louie'' could not be understood at any speed.
Perfect.
Unfortunately, the man who wrote that song - a black man, no less - died a few days ago and is not available to pen a new anthem for us. One that could be sung in public, unlike ``Carry Me Back,'' which is never sung in public.
Another colleague suggested a state song done in ``scat,'' the jazzy, scoobee-doo style that Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme perfected.
Somehow, though, it wouldn't be dignified to have all those U.Va. alumni holding their hats over their 80-proof arteries down in the end-zone seats as they try to sing a state anthem that goes, ``diddley-bop, whop-a-dooh-ahhh.''
If ``Carry Me Back'' is an emotional favorite, you're free to sing it in the shower, or at family gatherings. The state Senate took that tack last week when it voted to drop the song and consider a new one.
The House of Delegates hasn't acted yet, but they should consider one other option: Just don't bother with a state anthem.
When we hear what's been done to ``The Star-Spangled Banner,'' with every soul, country/western and rock'n'roll arrangement distorting it further from its original beauty, it seems best to get out of the anthem business altogether. MEMO: Dave Addis is the editor of Commentary. Reach him at 446-2726,
or addis(AT)worldnet.att.net