THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1997, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, February 15, 1997 TAG: 9702140067
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E7 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: 73 lines
``SO WHAT'S your topic this week?'' asked my editor.
``Niceness,'' I said.
I went on to explain that since my baby was born I'd had a couple of people comment on how nice my columns have been. (It's hard to be controversial when one's days are filled with gurgles and coos and lullabies.) I told her I think there's some sort of trend going on, with the popularity of Rosie O'Donnell and that whole Random Acts of Kindness movement.
``But the Bible doesn't really say anything about being nice, does it?'' asked my editor.
``Well, it sort of does,'' I said, clinging desperately to my column idea. ``It says a lot about kindness. All the religions do.''
``Yeah,'' said my editor, doing her best to get me to focus my thoughts, ``but kindness isn't the same thing as niceness, is it?''
Good question. What is the difference between being nice and being kind? Nice, it seems, is about appearances. Slap on a sweet smile or a jovial grin and everybody thinks, ``Nice.''
Kindness is deeper. Kindness is about adding actions to the facade. Kindness is about doing good things for others. Kindness implies not just smiling, but actually smiling and feeding the hungry, or helping the poor, or visiting the sick, so on and so on. You can be nice and do none of those things; kindness, however, requires good deeds.
Having said that, it would almost lead you to think that niceness is fluff. After all, while most of the Holy Scriptures of all the world's religions have plenty to say about kindness, niceness is not mentioned.
Or is it?
When the Scriptures speak of how humans should behave, they list virtues like compassion, benevolence, gentleness and charity. Aren't these nice virtues? Aren't these virtues nice people should possess?
It seems to me that what we're talking about here is a matter of degree. Niceness is a degree below kindness which is a degree below compassion. The pinnacle of all is genuine love.
Niceness, however, shouldn't be seen as the low man on the totem pole. Rather, it is the first step towards genuine love.
Sometimes, coming home from work, my husband forgets to take off his corrections officer demeanor. He can be a real grouch, especially to our two teen-agers and their rowdy friends. That's when I look at him and say, ``Be nice.''
That means: ``Snap out of your attitude. Slap on a smile. Remember how much you really love these kids. Now show them by being nice.''
The first step to showing genuine love for another person is being nice to them. When you smile at someone and show them courtesy, it is a conscious effort to show a certain kind of respect for another. It can also make others more willing to open themselves up to you.
This in turn means that together, you can both take the next step in human relations: turning that niceness into action. Doing for one another. Being kind.
There are all sorts of neat comments about kindness in the Bible. My personal favorite was written by the Christian Apostle Paul in his Letter to the Ephesians, chapter 4 verse 32: ``Be ye kind one to another.''
To paraphrase Paul, ``Be nice to each other.''
It may not be the cure for society's ills, but it's a start. MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
921 N. Battlefield Blvd., Chesapeake, VA 23320; call 446-2273; FAX (804)
436-2798; or send computer message via bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline is
Tuesday prior to publication. Must include name, city and phone number. ILLUSTRATION: DISCUSSION GROUP
The next Faith Discussion Group will meet Tuesday, Feb. 25, from 7
p.m. to 9 p.m., at Ohef Sholom Temple, 530 Raleigh Ave., Norfolk.
For directions, call 625-4295. The topic will be ``Our image of God:
what it is and how it is formed.''