DATE: Monday, July 14, 1997                 TAG: 9707140168

SECTION: SPORTS                  PAGE: C1   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Column 

SOURCE: Bob Molinaro 

                                            LENGTH:   64 lines

A COOL AND, UH, UNCOOL LOOK AT THE SPORTS WORLD

On a hot summer's day, one man's thoughts turn to the things and people in sports that offer a measure of soothing coolness.

Mark McGwire's tape-measure home runs. Remembering Jackie Robinson. Our own Harbor Park.

Cool.

You cannot define cool, but you know it when you see it, feel it, or, in the case of Harry Caray singing ``Take Me Out to the Ballgame,'' hear it.

Michael Jordan at the buzzer - cool. Karl Malone at the free-throw line - uncool.

Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin once was very cool. Now he couldn't be less cool if his community service time were spent inside a microwave.

What is cool - hip, in - changes from time to time. Just a few days ago, Keith Olberman was cool. Now he's on ice.

The Wave was never cool. It was the opposite of cool. Could it be passing from the scene? Now that would be very cool.

At the moment, interleague play is cool. Albert Belle is not cool. Golf is very cool right now, but Greg Norman isn't. Go figure.

Ernie Els is cool, but not as cool as Tiger Woods' caddy, ``Fluff,'' who with a name like that could be one of the Spice Girls.

Women basketball players Rebecca Lobo and Lisa Leslie are cool if you believe the NBC publicity mill, not a cool thing to do.

A couple years ago, tattoos on college basketball players were cool. Now they're graffiti. The Pack is back, cooler than before. Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre is so cool he arrives chilled.

Overbearing Nike is not cool anymore, though it will spend whatever it takes to buy some. Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo is cool, or will be by next year's World Cup. Alexis Lalas used to be cool, but is starting to thaw.

Batting .400 is cool. The sound of aluminum bat hitting ball is not cool.

Bulls coach Phil Jackson is cool. Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf is not. Hideki Irabu is cool. George Steinbrenner holds the Iron Man record for most consecutive days of being uncool.

Tim Duncan? Cool. Sean Kemp? Not.

Women's fastpitch softball is cool, but defrosting rapidly. The expiration date on cool has passed for women's baseball.

Wearing a baseball hat backwards is cool. The salary cap is not cool. IBM's Big Blue is cool. Gary Kasparov is not.

Larry Bird's coaching debut will be cool. ESPN's Chris Berman wouldn't know cool if he was locked inside a meat locker.

High school NBA draft pick Tracy McGrady is cool. McCauley Caulkin is not cool. Mia Hamm is cool; Kerri Strug not cool. Roger Clemens, cool; John Daly not cool.

Ken Griffey swinging for the fences is cool, but Griffey running down a fly ball is even cooler. The Norfolk Tides' home uniforms are cool. Golf visors advertising kitchen appliances are dorky.

Miami Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson tries too hard ever to be considered really cool. Bills coach Marv Levy is so uncool he's cool.

Shaquille O'Neal's cool is manufactured, like his reputation. What's really cool is the phasing out of artificial turf in more and more places.

Grant Hill is still cool. Dennis Rodman was cool for a few minutes, now making fun of Rodman's clothes is cool.

As sports towns go, Charlotte is cool. Los Angeles is not cool. One year after the Summer Games, track and field is not cool. X-treme sports are cool.

Eating out at the ball park has always been cool. But chowing down inside the boxing ring is not cool.

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