DATE: Tuesday, July 15, 1997                TAG: 9707120050

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON

                                            LENGTH:   91 lines

FAMILY COLUMNIST WHO WROTE FROM THE HEART HEADS FOR HOLLAND

A STROKE OF honesty set the stage for Peggy Sijswerda's seven-year relationship with a community of readers.

In her first month as editor of the monthly magazine Tidewater Parent, her 2-year-old daughter, Sierra, died.

It was an event she could have held tight inside her soul.

Instead, Peggy shared the news with 20,000 readers in the second issue of the monthly parenting magazine that she and her husband, Peter, published together.

``Our daughter, Sierra, who would have turned three in November, died suddenly in August, the victim of a drowning accident,'' she wrote in her Parent to Parent column.

``We are still dealing with the shock and sense of loss. She was a precious, beautiful child, as you can see by her picture, and we will miss her for years to come.''

The poignant message was wrapped up with a bit of advice for parents: Treasure every moment you have with your children and do everything you can to keep them safe.

``My husband and I will find great comfort in knowing you are taking extra care,'' she wrote.

Seven years later, she says she didn't hesitate to tell readers about the crushing loss.

``Not to say something would have been false,'' she said. ``A lot of times in the face of tragedy, people don't know what to say. I forced people to acknowledge Sierra's death.''

And in the process, she forced herself to face her daughter's death as well.

That honesty compelled readers throughout Hampton Roads, including me, to follow Peggy's family through her column.

I have smiled at the goings-on of her two sons, Scott, now 11, and Jasper, who's 7. I have awaited the birth of her youngest son, Ross, now 2, and wondered whether Peggy had wished for a girl. (Maybe she didn't share all her innermost feelings after all.) And I have empathized with the daily parenting struggles and joys she has shared.

I will miss that candid look inside a mother's life.

The Sijswerdas have sold the magazine, and a sister publication called Peninsula Parent, to The Virginian-Pilot.

Once again, Peggy leaves me with ideas to ponder and admire.

She and her husband are on a quest: For a simpler, less-hectic life. For a look at a different culture. For more time with their children.

And - perhaps most compelling of all - for adventure.

They are pulling up stakes and moving to Holland next month.

``Before my hair turns really gray, I had to do something like this,'' says Peggy, as she takes a moment out from deciding which of the family possessions to throw away and which to keep.

``I'm turning 40 this year and it's easy to get stuck somewhere. In another 10 years, we wouldn't be able to do this. The time is now.''

In ways, their life as publishers was idyllic. Not because the job was easy - it wasn't - but because they were living out their dreams. The couple ran the magazine from their Virginia Beach home, with Peter selling advertisements and managing the business, and Peggy handling the editorial duties.

The idea of a publication to help families raise their children was a good idea at the right time, in the perfect place.

Still, the sale of the enterprise - which had a circulation of 40,000 when sold and eight times the number of advertisements as in 1990 - gave them a rare opportunity to move to Peter's native country.

Their children will get to spend more time with their Dutch grandparents. And the European location will give the family a chance to travel and see places that will expand their horizons.

Peggy expects the family will live there at least three years. They may be back sooner. Or maybe not at all.

They will be on the lookout for opportunities. Peggy hopes to keep writing, perhaps a personal column on an American family living abroad. Her husband, who has experience in business, building and publishing, will also be exploring new avenues.

But mostly, they will be trying to slow down their lives in the community of Maastricht. To make do with less. To escape the spiral that compels many two-income families to continually work more to keep what they have.

``We're going to try and downsize. It's not unique; a lot of families are trying to get along with less, to appreciate where they are and what's going on around them. It's a movement that I think is just under way.''

Peggy hopes to continue to connect with people through her writing, either with an audience in Europe or through a World Wide Web site on the Internet.

``I hope to continue to have a relationship with readers, somewhere, somehow.''

I wish her well, and thank her for sharing both the glories and the heartaches of being a mother. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo

D. KEVIN ELLIOTT/The Virginian-Pilot

Peggy and Peter Sijswerda and their children Scott, 11; Jasper, 7;

and Ross, 1, are moving to the Netherlands in an attempt to simplify

their lives and expose themselves to another culture.

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