DATE: Wednesday, September 17, 1997         TAG: 9709170008

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B10  EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Editorial 

                                            LENGTH:   29 lines

HEALTH A NO-BRAINER

After years of attacking the tasty staples of human diet, the international food patrol has finally condemned something no one wanted to eat anyway: squirrel brains.

It's about time. For several decades now, health experts have been systematically torpedoing our favorite foods. Americans can no longer eat any of the comfort foods of their youth without overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Gone are happy homes where families dined on eggs and bacon, red meat and gravy, fried chicken and biscuits, coffee and cream.

In their places are spartan dwelling places where unhappy people count fat grams, nibble dry toast and dribble lemon juice on their salads.

Take heart. The British medical journal Lancet recently reported a link between eating squirrel brains and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. That's the human version of mad cow disease.

The cynical among us, who have long suspected a puritanical conspiracy aimed at removing all pleasure from eating, should rejoice at this latest turn of events.

We hope scientists next turn their attention to the hazards of eating toast without a thick pat of butter and ingesting chicken without its succulent skin.

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