DATE: Wednesday, September 24, 1997         TAG: 9709240044

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E5   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY STEPHEN KIEHL, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:   27 lines

TRAFFIC EXCUSES TURN INTO JOKES

TRAFFIC COURT IS the Rodney Dangerfield of the legal system: It just doesn't get any respect. Telling a lie in other courts is called perjury. In Traffic Court, it's a joke.

On an episode of the sitcom ``Seinfeld,'' Newman gets a ticket and decides to contest it in court, with Kramer as his witness. Sitting outside, the pair talks strategy.

``When the cops stopped me, I told them that I was rushing home because my friend was going to commit suicide,'' Newman says. ``So why were you going to kill yourself?''

After rejecting Kramer's first idea that he was going to kill himself because he didn't have an air conditioner, they settle on the story that Kramer never got to be a banker.

On the stand, Newman testifies he was rushing home because he thought Kramer was on the verge of suicide.

``I admit I was speeding, but it was to save a man's life - a man who wanted nothing more in life than to love, to be loved and to be a banker.''

But after Kramer can't remember his story on the stand, the judge fines Newman $75.

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