DATE: Wednesday, September 24, 1997         TAG: 9709240045

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY STEPHEN KIEHL, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:  112 lines

BARBS FROM THE BENCH EXCUSES, EXCUSES. JUDGE LAWLESS HAS HEARD THEM ALL WHILE PRESIDING OVER TRAFFIC COURT.

THOSE KIDS FROM YOUR third-grade class who claimed the dog ate their homework have grown up. But their excuses haven't.

I was speeding because I had diarrhea.

The lights on my dashboard were burned out.

I had to get home to go to the bathroom.

Judge Larry Lawless hears them every day in Courtroom 1 of the Public Safety Building in Norfolk. For more than 20 years he has presided over this dimly lit wood-paneled room, meting out justice in the ultimate enclave of petty crimes and misdemeanors - Traffic Court.

This is more ``People's Court'' than ``L.A. Law.'' There are no plush seats, just hard wooden benches. There are few well-heeled lawyers, just Joe Citizen sporting a T-shirt and cut-off jeans. And cases don't meander on for days or weeks. Most are dispatched of in a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds.

``I don't want this to take longer in court than it took on the highway,'' Lawless said as he heard a recent case.

This year the two Traffic Court judges will hear about 80,000 cases between them, says Tom Baldwin, the chief clerk of General District Court, which also has civil and criminal divisions.

``The load has picked up steadily for the last five years. It's insurmountable,'' says Baldwin, who had worked in the justice system for 32 years, the last 11 at his current job. ``It's like bailing the boat dry every day, and you come back in the morning and bail the boat dry again.''

If Traffic Court is a boat, then Larry Lawless is its captain. He runs his courtroom like a tight ship. Defendants' names are called out in batches of 10 to 20 and they are told to sit on the first bench, starting from the right. When people get up to stand at a podium and present their case, everyone waiting slides down the bench to fill in.

If you want your case postponed, you must get in line to say so and be there at 9 a.m. sharp. Latecomers are not tolerated. And even if you're just waiting for your case to be called, you cannot be disruptive. Once, the bailiff asked a man reading USA Today to put it away.

But if Lawless holds the defendants to a high standard, he holds the police officers to even higher ones.

When one officer couldn't find her notes for a speeding ticket, Lawless said to the middle-aged woman clutching her summons, ``In the 1920s, the Supreme Court said that when the constable blunders, somebody walks. So start walking.''

That same officer also couldn't find her notes for the next guy. So his case was dismissed, saving him six demerits.

Lawless also doesn't put up with police officers who say things like ``At 1420 hours . . . '' When one officer said that, Lawless shot back: ``What time is that? That's not on my watch.'' He went on to say that he got out of the Army in 1955 and hasn't used military time since.

The few defendants who bring lawyers in with them don't get any breaks, but they do get to go first - which can be quite a privilege when the docket is long and some people who arrive at 9 a.m. don't get their case heard until after noon.

And those who arrive after 9:10 are subordinated to two side benches, where Lawless can keep an eye on them. When they finally come before him, he lectures them on the importance of timeliness.

``Those of you who were late will be heard at the end of the docket,'' he instructs them. ``And I want you to think of your most fertile excuse, because I've heard them all this month.''

On a recent morning, a police officer testified that medical personnel on the scene of an accident said the defendant may have been suffering from seizures. The defense attorney objected, saying that if the officer wanted to use what the medical personnel said, he should have brought them in.

Only after he objected did the defense attorney realize that he was trying to exclude evidence that could help his client. He quickly retreated, saying, ``Well, actually, we'll let it in.''

But Judge Lawless, who had already sustained the original objection, would have none of it. ``No, we won't let it in,'' he said. ``Don't be an Indian giver. I've already ruled on it.''

Lawless, who declined to be interviewed for this article, is known in legal circles for his biting wit and stinging sarcasm. When a defendant passed him an illegible doctor's note, Lawless passed it on to his clerk and quipped, ``Save that for the museum.''

A day doesn't pass when he cuts down an inflated ego with a well-placed one-liner. Nor does he miss the opportunity to have a little fun at someone's expense.

One day in court, a man from Tennessee passed the judge his license. Lawless asked the man's lawyer if he knew how to pronounce the man's hometown. The lawyer said he did not.

At that, Lawless said slowly, ``Sodie Daisie, Tennessee. What does that have? A Dairy Queen and three parking meters?'' When Lawless was then informed that the man is now living in Sodie Daisie, the judge said, ``Well, the population probably picked up by 8 percent.''

But when the joking's done, Lawless is a fair, sometimes even lenient judge, said traffic court lawyers. For first-time offenders, he frequently reduces the sentence and fine. He sometimes even waives the fine for those who would have trouble paying it - and truly made an honest mistake.

For one woman who had her first ticket and came in with her baby, Lawless waived the fine and told the woman to instead use the money to buy something for the baby.

``The (traffic court) judges listen and act in a fair, judicious manner,'' said Harvey Coleman, a lawyer who is in traffic court every day. ``Judge Lawless is very fair and has a great sense of humor.'' And if the police officers aren't ready for court? ``He lets them have it.''

Indeed, when the clerk once started calling out the cases for one officer, he was nowhere to be found. Upset, Lawless asked the other police officers if they knew where he was. ``He was just here,'' one of them said.

``Well,'' the judge said, ``do you think we should go to the men's room to look for him?''

The officer walked in a moment later. But had he not, Lawless just may have hunted him down - no matter where the quest led him. ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

ALBA BRAGOLI

Judge Larry Lawless runs his courtroom... KEYWORDS: TRAFFIC COURT

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