DATE: Tuesday, October 21, 1997             TAG: 9710210032

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: Tom Robinson

                                            LENGTH:   78 lines

SPORTS ADDICTIONNEW BOOK DOCUMENTS THE WAY AN OBSESSION WITH TV GAMES CAN THROW A MARRIAGE FOR A LOSS

TALES OF MEN addicted to sports seem harmless enough - until you dig down to what's really going on in their lives, especially within their human relationships.

Back when Suffolk's Mikealiene Mills would stick the TV remote in her robe to hide it from her sports-obsessed husband Warren, she did it with a smile, right? When she changed the channel in the middle of a big play, she was just kidding around, right?

Not quite.

``It was done in fun,'' Mills says, ``but also frustration. He watched them incessantly. I used to tell him he liked sports better than he liked me. Then I started realizing Warren couldn't help it.''

When it comes to sports, there are men and women everywhere who can't help it. Kevin Quirk calls them ``sportsaholics,'' and if we aren't one ourselves, we probably know one.

For them and their partners, Charlottesville's Quirk, a former sportswriter turned counselor, has written a book called ``Not Now Honey, I'm Watching The Game.''

On the surface, the title is lighthearted. The subtitle gets to the meat of the matter: ``What To Do When Sports Comes Between You and Your Mate.''

Think that's a reach? Ask any wife whose husband routinely plops down for a day of college football followed by a night of baseball playoffs, followed by a Sunday of NFL games.

That's stereotypical, but it happens all the time. Scarred by his own ruined sportsaholic marriage, Quirk expertly details the making, uncovering, understanding and rehabilitation of the sportsaholic.

I wrote about Quirk nearly two years ago when he was researching his project and soliciting response to his Sportsaholism Questionnaire. It wasn't a goofy Cosmo quiz; Quirk made respondents write out answers and describe actions and feelings, and asked spouses to do the same on a separate survey.

Quirk hoped that just discussing the questions would spawn a new communication and balance between partners. He hopes the book goes further. It reveals his findings, but also features exercises throughout that couples can use toward ``rediscovering life,'' the title of one of Quirk's chapters.

As a society, Quirk said on the phone, we too often ``define ourselves by what happens to a sports team, and not by what happens in our family, jobs and relationships. The everyday drama is dwarfed by this drama on the field.''

Quirk understands, painfully. Raised in Boston and wrapped up in its teams, Quirk spent 12 years as a sportswriter, mostly at the Charlotte Observer. He had to have sports. Fitting, then, that his struggling marriage blew up after a TV spat on Super Bowl Sunday more than a decade ago.

``This is the first book I've seen on this problem,'' Quirk said. ``There's a hunger to address this issue, because everyone knows about it.''

Mikealiene and Warren Mills, both 46, know. They even made it into Quirk's book.

Under the pseudonym ``Rochelle,'' Mikealiene admits her casual but serious efforts to dissuade Warren from watching sports. It's ironic, then, that sports became a bond for them when Mikealiene won Tides season tickets for suggesting the name Harbor Park for Norfolk's new stadium.

They went often, ``and Mikealiene began to understand what the lure was,'' Warren Mills says.

He is quick to add, though, that ``there are a lot of other things going on in our lives, too. That's the key. You can't let it get between other things.''

Mikealiene says that exploring sportsaholism and talking with Quirk was like ``a gigantic group counseling session,'' with the desired payoff. Warren, she says, ``has more awareness of how it could be affecting me.''

And naturally, Mikealiene will return that awareness now that she's hooked on a sport of her own, hmmm?

``Warren,'' Mikealiene admits, laughing, ``is a golf widower.'' MEMO: Kevin Quirk will lead a discussion of his his book ``Not Now,

Honey, I'm Watching The Game'' at Barnes & Noble in Virginia Beach on

Nov. 13 from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. ILLUSTRATION: [Color] Photo Illustration by HUY NGUYEN

The Virginian-Pilot

Mikealiene and Warren Mills...

Send Suggestions or Comments to webmaster@scholar.lib.vt.edu