DATE: Sunday, October 26, 1997              TAG: 9710230262

SECTION: COMMENTARY              PAGE: J6   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Opinion

SOURCE: BETSY WRIGHT

                                            LENGTH:   82 lines

DID YOU LAUGH AT THIS CARTOON? I WON'T, AND THAT'S A PROMISE!

The dust had settled, the guys had gone home and the media had finally finished their Promise Keepers feeding frenzy.

Or so I thought.

That was until Wednesday, Oct. 15, when this newspaper ran an editorial cartoon showing three folks in a laundromat. The man wore a black coat and a big crucifix around his neck. The woman beside him lugged a basket of laundry, and spoke to another woman nearby: ``He's the Promise Keeper. I'm the House Keeper.''

That did it for me. That sent me tumbling over the edge.

Now before I explain, let me give some personal background. Some of you know me from my religion column, Issues of Faith, that appears in this paper each Saturday. If you've ever read that column then you know I'm: a) a Christian, moderate-to-liberal in my theology and in my politics, b) a staunch defender of the high wall of church-state separation and religious pluralism, and c) a critic of the Christian Coalition, the Christian right and any other movement that threatens to turn this country into ``a Christian nation.''

Having said all that, here's my point: I was deeply offended by that cartoon.

What I despised was its shallow characterization of Promise Keepers as misogynistic, male chauvinist pigs.

That's just not my reality, and I'd bet the farm it's not the reality of most Promise Keepers.

The Promise Keepers I know are hard working family men, mostly moderate in their Christian beliefs, who just want to admit their shortcomings before God (repent) and pledge to do better in the future. They also like the idea of having a club of other guys who'll keep encouraging them to do better. That's the extent of their ``agenda.''

The Promise Keepers I know are not of one political mind. They're Libertarians, Democrats, Republicans and vote-'em-as-I-see-'em guys.

The Promise Keepers I know aren't big supporters of the Christian Coalition. Most have turned their backs on politics as the way to ``do better.'' They believe in personal responsibility. They believe it starts with changed hearts - their own.

The Promise Keepers I know are all white, but they are white guys who truly understand that racism is a sin, and they really do want to figure out how they've been guilty and how they can rid their life of this sin. They truly want to be ``brothers in Christ'' with African-American males.

The Promise Keepers I know do not want to turn this into ``a Christian nation.'' They uphold religious freedom and appreciate religious diversity. They know that good homes can be Jewish or Muslim or even agnostic. By choice, however, the homes of Promise Keepers are Christian and of this they are not ashamed.

Most important, the Promise Keepers I know aren't misogynistic, male chauvinist pigs. If anything, they are in markedly egalitarian relationships. Sometimes the husband makes the decisions. Sometimes the wife does. Mostly they decide things together. Most of the wives work outside the home and the husbands willingly share household tasks and child-rearing duties. In one case I know of, the wife is the breadwinner and the husband keeps house.

As far as the correlation between Christianity and spousal abuse is concerned, suffice it to say that some of the worst offenders I've ever known had no religious convictions whatsoever. I've known agnostics who wanted to keep their ``little woman'' barefoot and pregnant.

Am I saying there are no misogynistic, male chauvinist pigs within the Promise Keepers movement? Heck no. There might be more than a few.

What I am saying, however, is that there are misogynistic, male chauvinist pigs in every segment of society. They can be found among Jews and Gentiles. Among Democrats and Republicans. Among academics and illiterates. Being a Christian Promise Keeper doesn't make you a misogynistic, male chauvinist pig anymore than it makes you a splendid spouse. It is the heart within the individual Promise Keeper that makes one or the other.

Why did I write this column? I have no vested interest in the Promise Keepers. I'm a feminist and I'm not married to a Promise Keeper.

I'm writing because somebody should stand up and tell another side of the story. That done, can we all please go back to work at making our families better, at ending the evil of racism and at improving our marriages.

And if some choose the Promise Keepers' route to do those things - and if their wives give their blessings - then shouldn't the rest of us just mind our own business and shut up about it? MEMO: Betsy Wright writes a weekly column on religion for The

Virginian-Pilot. ILLUSTRATION: Cartoon

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