DATE: Thursday, November 6, 1997            TAG: 9711050877

SECTION: NORFOLK COMPASS         PAGE: 12   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: GUEST COLUMNIST 

SOURCE: BY JOHN L. HORTON 

                                            LENGTH:   69 lines

WE CAN EMPOWER OURSELVES AND OUR CHILDREN

Over the past decade, I have worked with thousands and thousands of youth and their families in the social services, public schools, juvenile courts and public housing arenas.

Most of the parents/guardians whom I have worked with truly seem to care and are deeply concerned about their children's welfare and future. However, too often they do not seem to know where to turn or what to do. Many of them lack the basic mechanics of parenting in these troubled and disturbing times.

Probably the poet Kahlil Gibran put it best when he wrote:

``Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and even though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday . . . ''

And though the ultimate responsibility is with the individual (youth), we must somehow get these particular youth to understand and act upon this reality of life. We must, somehow, get them to help themselves. We must empower them to perform and achieve at their maximum potential. These youth must be made to understand and believe that sound choices and hard work can bring them personal and career success. Such results must come in the form of literacy and education improvement, employment and income enhancement, criminal inactivity and drug-free lifestyle, personal and familial betterment, and other pertinent issues of importance that face these youth and society at large.

With those thoughts in mind, I offer the following six pointers for parents and those of us in the ``helping professions'':

1. We must never forget that the family is the original and best department of health, education, welfare and salvation for our youth. I sum this up by saying: Communicate, listen, support and supervise.

2. We must learn to believe in and live by 10 little, but powerful, words: ``If it is to be, it is up to me.''

3. We must join and participate in our children's Parent-Teacher Association. Teachers need all the help that they can get in educating, and too often raising, our kids. Let us together make a difference!

4. We must make a habit of reading books, magazines and articles on child-rearing and adolescent issues. The public libraries and local bookstores are good places to begin looking for these materials, along with other related audio and visual aids. We are lucky that our local libraries are helpful in this regard - and they are free.

5. We must attend programs, classes and activities sponsored by area agencies and organizations regarding these matters. Some of these free and beneficial resources are, but not limited to, hospitals, churches, public school systems, public libraries, juvenile court services, community services boards, boys and girls clubs, family services centers and social services bureaus.

6. We must not be hesitant, afraid or ashamed to seek help, counseling and assistance if needed. And we must learn to do it as soon as the need is there. Remember, these kinds of things do not usually get better all by themselves. Without proper intervention and treatment, they usually get progressively worse - for our children and for ourselves.

I urge those of us in need of some answers for our ongoing adolescent problems to give my six pointers a try. As pointed out, all they will cost you is some time and effort. Considering the possible outcome for us and our youth, I would think that is not asking for too much. MEMO: Norfolk resident John Horton is a former teacher and a youth

advocate and activist.

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