DATE: Monday, November 17, 1997             TAG: 9711150075

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Column 

SOURCE: Larry Maddry 

                                            LENGTH:   75 lines

GEN. LEE, SANTA ARE NO CHRISTMAS TRADITION FOR SOUTHERNERS

I LOVE THE South, but don't expect to find a gift-wrapped present of ``General Lee and Santa Claus'' from me under your Christmas tree.

That book is exhibit A for my Yankee friends who say to me: ``How come you people can't let go of the Civil War. It happened a long, long time ago.''

Translation: Get a life.

Now, about the book ``General Lee and Santa Claus.'' A slim volume bearing that title was published in 1867 - two years after the Civil War.

A total fiction, the work was written by a woman who should have known better, named Louise Clack. Clack's cliche-ridden book click . . . click . . . clicked like reindeer on the roof with some Southerners (whose delusional post-war obsessions were apparently boundless).

Written for children, the book - which should have been titled ``The Three Little Prigs'' - is about three young Mississippi girls who spit on their hands and write a hot letter to Robert E. Lee just before Christmas in 1865. In their badgering letter, they ask why Santa Claus has not left them any toys for four years.

``Please, General Lee, tell us if Santa Claus loves the little Rebel children,'' the three little prigs write. Arrrrgggh!

Marse Robert - who eschewed piffle and was almost certainly embarrassed by the little book and never wrote such a reply, nevertheless responds to the letter in Clack's fabrication.

In it, he explains that on the first Christmas Eve of the war, he told Santa Claus to sell the Christmas toys intended for Southern children and to use the money to buy necessary items for the Southern soldiers.

(Ms. Clack neglected to tell the unfortunate children who may have read the book that Santa had done a demmed poor job of distributing the toy sale proceeds. Lee complained often that his army had nothing to eat but field peas.)

Clack's wretched little book has lain in well-deserved obscurity until recently, when it was dusted off like a petrified goose dropping and examined.

The examiner, Randall Bedwell, owner of a small publishing company in Nashville, Tenn., has rewritten the story to make it more suitable for today's young readers. Or so he says.

I have in hand a press release from the book's publisher stating:

``Imagine if Charles Dickens' ``A Christmas Carol'' had been tragically lost to generations of readers . . . and then was magically rediscovered. Then imagine you could interview the man who reclaimed this treasured Christmas classic or review the book itself. . . . That's the kind of book review or feature you can write this year about the beloved Christmas story `General Lee and Santa Claus.' ''

Not on my watch.

Given my druthers, I'd as soon review ``How Madonna Lit Santa's Christmas Fire.''

Author Randall Bedwell is obviously angling for the Southern nostalgia market and for Robert E. Lee kin in the United States and China. I once asked Robert E. Lee IV, a direct descendent, if he thought the thousands of Southerners who claimed the general as kin were truly related.

``Certainly,'' he replied. ``There are Lees all over the country. Some of them are Chinese, and they're very nice folks, you know.''

A lot of nice folks believe in keeping the general's name before the public, which is fine with me. But since author Bedwell is asking for imagination, he might use a little himself.

Since he is hell-bent on perpetuating Clack's hopelessly inane book trivializing a major historical figure, he might turn his hand to something more creative.

What about ``Robert E. Lee and the Easter Bunny: The Secret Wartime Negotiations.''

Or, ``How Robert E. Lee's Horse Traveler Stood in for Rudolph on a Snowy Christmas of Yore.''

The publisher says ``General Lee and Santa Claus'' ``has been shared affectionately by generations of Southerners.''

Now, there's a sobering thought. Bartender . . . make mine a double. ILLUSTRATION: Photo

[General Lee wearing a santa hat...]

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