DATE: Monday, November 17, 1997             TAG: 9711150366

SECTION: BUSINESS                PAGE: D1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY MICHAEL CLARK, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:  104 lines

BAD BEHAVIOR, BAD WORKPLACEBEVERLY H. PATRICK HAS DRAWN FROM HER YEARS OF BUSINESS EXPERIENCE TO WRITE A BOOK ON OFFICE ETIQUETTE.

A typical morning conversation at the office coffee machine is shattered when two coworkers begin shouting at each other.

``I told you I'd give you the materials tomorrow!'' one hollers. ``Can't you hound someone else today?''

Taken aback for just a second, the co-worker responds: ``You twit, you knucklehead. I wish they'd fired you when they had the chance!''

You want to tell them such behavior is inappropriate, but you're afraid they'll shift their aggression. Maybe one will turn on you. Maybe the other will turn toward you, and throw a stapler.

Beverly H. Patrick of Virginia Beach knows the problems bad behavior in the workplace can cause.

With more than 30 years as an insurance industry executive, Patrick has seen the shift from the male-dominated business scene of the 1960s to the gender-neutral offices of today. She's not sure it's all for the better.

That's why she wrote ``Uncivil Wars: Men, Women & Office Etiquette in the '90s.''

Even if there aren't many days at the '90s kind of office where co-workers become violent, Patrick believes every workplace can benefit from a dose of old-fashioned manners.

Good manners might be common sense, she writes in the book, ``but in my experience good manners are far from common.''

Manners and business might not seem to be a proper fit, she admits, but the workplace can be a minefield of off-color comments, misconceptions and conversational blunders.

``There are areas where even well-intentioned people must be careful,'' Patrick, 57, said.

That's the troubling part, she said. Political correctness has taken hold.

``We've gotten away from generalniceties,'' she said.

Fear of situations with the potential for sexual harassment has left people scared to say much more than ``Good morning.''

``People are afraid of even giving a compliment,'' Patrick said. ``They would be kinder to each other if they weren't afraid of consequences.''

That's why Patrick wrote her book in 1994 at the urging of several friends.

After some soul-searching, Patrick, who was president and CEO of Professional Risk Management Services Inc., a national insurance firm at the time, found she was most passionate about manners and treating others with respect.

Identifying miscommunication as the root of all gender-bending evils, Patrick advocates the golden rule as the basis for behavior in the workplace.

John Keessock Jr., chairman of Commonwealth Risk insurance services firm in Philadelphia, has known Patrick since the mid-1980s. After hearing her speak at an insurance industry presentation, Keessock was convinced she could write a book about workplace behavior.

``She worked in a very male-dominated insurance business,'' he said. ``It's interesting to see her perspective on how an office really works without tying into gender.''

Patrick said the message is as simple as the title of one of the book's chapters: ``Human Beings First, Men and Women Second.''

``This is not a book about women's roles in the workplace or about men's roles, she said. ``It's about manners.''

Time and generational differences can change the value of manners in the workplace, she said.

``The men of my generation have a more difficult time than women,'' Patrick said. ``They're dealing with younger women. It's a difficult time with rule changes.''

The word ``girl,'' for example can be a four-letter word in the workplace, Patrick said.

``Women of my generation still use the word `girl,' '' she said. To each other, we'll always be girls.''

But if a man refers to his ``girl in the office,'' the word has a different meaning.

Not all phrases are meant as put-downs or meant to be derogatory, Patrick said.

``People need to listen less to the words than to the music,'' she said.

Like music, behavior is viewed differently by people born in different generations.

``My generation is steeped in manners,'' she said. ``Baby boomers were taught manners, but they were going to change the world.''

She calls the next generation ``baby busters'' and notes that they might not have been taught manners at all.

``Many have never been at a formal table,'' she said.

To help, Patrick wrote a chapter on ``Deals Over Meals,'' in which she explains the proper way to hold a fork and which foods should never be ordered for a business lunch.

Hold the pasta, she writes.

``A mouth drooling spaghetti is not a pretty sight.''

Patrick also takes her message of better manners in the workplace on the speaking circuit, making about 30 appearances a year.

As she notes in the book, ``Traveling for business is a necessary evil in the '90s.''

With old-fashioned wood cut illustrations and modern cartoons, ``Uncivil Wars'' points out that manners are just as necessary.

Workplaces are necessarily tense places, Patrick writes.

``In a supposedly classless society, they're one of the only places where we are overtly judged and ranked and where we voluntarily defer to power.''

But it is not a place for shouting matches or flying staplers. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by Beth Bergman Nakamura/The

Virginian-Pilot

Beverly H. Patrick...

Color photo

The book jacket

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